im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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