I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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