Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Randomize
