i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
it glows. i had to have it.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
