dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize