Jerry, you need to find god
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
