Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
We are two peas in an std pod
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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