is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
