I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
