Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Randomize
