i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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