O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
