You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
