i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
