What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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