Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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