please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I made him laugh his dick is mine
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
