and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Four minutes until I can fart!
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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