he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
