maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Drunk is a universal language darling
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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