I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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