They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
