i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Randomize
