at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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