come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize