I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
