I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
