1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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