Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
