I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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