Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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