Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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