I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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