Im at strip club and am horny
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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