3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
