fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I had to cum in my sink.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
