I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
