so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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