Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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