I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
You were trust falling into bushes
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize