I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
