i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
