im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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