Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
