honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
