i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
