I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
