hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
