Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
