Swine flu is the new snow day.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
