He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
