the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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