I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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