I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
