Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
