You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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