I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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