I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
