The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
