using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
