When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
