Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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