Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
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