I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize