so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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