My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
