I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
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