my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize