I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
A+ Viking dick
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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