a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
she was so not down for the gang bang
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
