Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
