Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
My dick has a subreddit
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
