Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize