woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
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