she looked like the bat from fern gully.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
