Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
